All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
