??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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