i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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