I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
