I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
