he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
