Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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