i jhust puked up my retainher.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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