remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
