I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
