Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Did you just see the Batmobile???
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
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