My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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