If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
