Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
