I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
