here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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