you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize