take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
