I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
