So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
