she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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