Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Its about making memories worth repressing
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
