just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Randomize
