I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Randomize
