fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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