I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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