I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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