Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm both gender and math confused
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
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