How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
