we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
