i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize