Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
