he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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