Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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