you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
