he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
