No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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