your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize