I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Randomize
