I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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