The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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