I wanna bring you to show and tell
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
