every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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