Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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