me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
