Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
