Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
