Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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