I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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