Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
