we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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