News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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