I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
