worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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