Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
