Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
