I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
