He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
