I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
