She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
