I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
