he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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