Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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