it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
