Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
high people should be assigned attendants
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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