Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
