Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
