so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
