so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
