I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
