He is an equal opportunity slut.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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