Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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