it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
