Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
