i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
