You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
