this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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